Caroline's Secret Page 5

  “She died,” he whispered into the breeze. Every time he said the words, it got a little more real, yet every time he said her name he missed her all the more.

  “I’m so sorry.” From the corner of his eye he saw her shift in her seat, though he wasn’t looking at her directly.

  Across the park Caroline and her friends, Lorie Kauffman and Emily Ebersol, had settled down for their middawk. “Has it been very long ago?”

  He quickly looked away as Lorie looked up, her blue gaze meeting his. “Six months,” he whispered.

  “Danny just cares about you. And of course he can spend more time with Julie if he can get me to come along.”

  Andrew laughed, though in the back of his mind he wondered if Lorie had said anything to Caroline and if she was wondering why he told her that they could only be friends, then headed off for a lunch date with another.

  He and Caroline had an agreement, but he wouldn’t want her to get the wrong impression.

  “You’re a gut man, Andrew Fitch.” His attention swiveled back to Sarah. “For sure and for certain you will find your way again. When you do, I hope you’ll consider me.”

  He didn’t know when that might be. “I’d be honored.”

  Sarah gathered the remains of their lunch and tossed it into the trash. The Oklahoma wind stirred the leaves in the trees above them.

  “I guess I’ll—” She made a motion with her hand.

  “I’ll see you at church?”

  Sarah smiled. “I’d like that.” She turned and made her way down the street, turning back only once to see if he was watching. Once she turned the corner on the other side of the hardware store, he headed across the grass that separated the two picnic areas.

  Caroline.

  Lorie saw him first, catching sight of him walking toward them and touching Caroline’s hand to alert her.

  Caroline herself turned in her seat to watch him. “Goedemiddag,” she greeted him as she shielded her eyes with one hand.

  “Goedemiddag,” Andrew returned. “Lorie, Emily.” He nodded to each of them, then turned his attention back to Caroline. “Where’s Emma?”

  “She took an early nap.”

  “She’s feeling all right, I hope.”

  “Oh, jah,” Caroline said. “Just growing, I s’pose.”

  “Can I have a word, please?”

  Lorie and Emily exchanged a look, but Caroline ignored them. “Jah,” she said, pushing back from the table to fall in beside him.

  They walked across the sunlit grass, Andrew wanting to get far away from any inquisitive ears before speaking his mind.

  Once they were under the shade of one of the mighty oaks in the park, he turned to Caroline.

  “I didn’t want you to think anything about . . . well, what I mean is . . . I didn’t know Sarah was coming by today with lunch.”

  “Okay,” Caroline said slowly.

  Andrew took a deep breath. He was making a mess of this. “Danny talked me into having dinner with her last night. I’m afraid she got the wrong impression. So I came out here to talk to her about it, and now I’m afraid that I’ve made you think that I’m a liar.”

  Caroline stopped and laid her hand on his arm. “Andrew, what is all this about?”

  He shrugged. “I told you that I wasn’t ready to date anyone. I didn’t want you to think that I had started seeing Sarah.”

  She shook her head with a smile. “You are gegisch, Andrew Fitch.”

  “I’m silly?”

  Caroline dipped her chin. “We agreed to be freinden, jah?”

  “Jah,” he echoed.

  “And we are.”

  He released his breath, not realizing until that moment that he had been holding it. Caroline’s friendship had come to mean a lot to him in such a short period of time. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. “So we’re still on for Sunday?”

  “Jah,” she said with a smile. She patted his arm and turned back toward her friends and their watchful eyes.

  Andrew was certain the sun shone a bit brighter.

  Dear Mamm and Dat,

  Church here is so very different than back home. We still meet in our homes and the women sit on one side of the room and the men on the other, but the service is in English. We even have English Bibles. The bishop allows us to meet before the service and talk about any Bible verse that we have read during the week and want to discuss. The Englisch call this Sunday School. We don’t call it anything but a good reason to get together and talk about God’s word. I enjoy being able to read the Bible on my own and talk about it without fear that the bishop might think me boastful or questioning of God. It’s very calming to me to be able to discuss passages with others and to learn from what they have read and not just what the preacher feels moved to teach.

  But I do miss my Sundays at home with you and Dat and all my cousins. Even after all of this time I miss the smell of the roasted chicken you used to make for the after service. Do you still take it as your food offering for the meal? I have tried to make it many times since I have been gone, but I’ve never managed to get the spices correct. It will always be one of my favorite memories of Tennessee.

  I must close for now, for I hear Emma stirring from her nap, and it is almost time for the postman to come. Please write when you are able. And give Dat my love.

  Love,

  Caroline

  Chapter Five

  “Esther, are you ready to go?” Caroline stepped from her bedroom as she called for her friend. “If we don’t hurry, we’ll be late for church.”

  “I’m coming.”

  Esther hurried into the hallway between their rooms, the strings from her prayer kapp trailing behind her. “Almost ready. Just got to get my Bible and—”

  “Is that what you’re wearing?” The words burst from Caroline before she had time to check them.

  Esther looked down at herself in confusion, then back up to meet Caroline’s gaze.“Jah.”

  “I mean, why don’t you wear the green dress I made for you? It makes your eyes stand out.”

  Esther allowed her one more cautious stare, then grabbed her purse from the back of the kitchen chair and her Bible from the sideboard. “This dress is fine for church.”

  “Jah, I mean . . .”

  “Is there something bothering you, Caroline?”

  She shook her head and hoisted Emma into her arms. The girl was getting heavier by the day. “Nay. It’s just that . . .”

  “What?” Esther helped her slide the strap of her own bag across her shoulder, then turned out the kitchen light. Together they made their way to the door of their backroom apartment.

  “We should strive to look our best every day, jah?” Caroline asked.

  “Vanity is a sin,” Esther answered.

  “Not vanity,” Caroline countered. “But . . . but . . .”

  “But what?”

  Caroline shook her head. “Never mind,” she said. She had already messed up any plans she could have made concerning Esther and Abe. Even if Esther wore a sparkly Englisch evening gown to church, Caroline doubted that Abe would notice. Now, if she wore a lovely shade of mahogany . . .

  An errant chuckle escaped her as she unchained her bike and deposited Emma in her little plastic seat on the back.

  “What’s so funny?” Esther asked.

  But Caroline just shook her head.

  Once they were all loaded up and ready to go, they pedaled down Main Street, past the Kauffman Family Restaurant, Abe’s furniture store, and the grocery store on the right.

  The wind and sun on her face felt gut, and Caroline had to resist the urge to close her eyes and just enjoy the sensation of a Sunday morning on the way to church.

  Their bishop in Tennessee would have never allowed his members to ride bicycles of any sort. According to him, they could take a Plain person too far away from all the things they needed to remain close to.

  Caroline couldn’t figure out exactly what that meant. She wouldn’t think about ridin
g the bike outside of the Wells Landing city limits. The highway was too dangerous by far. But since she and Esther lived in town, they had no place to keep a horse and buggy and only one way to get around.

  Several other three-wheelers were parked to the side of the Yoders’ house when Esther and Caroline pulled in. On the other side of the barn, the buggies had been left, the horses released into the pasture for the long church service. There were even a few tractors parked in between.

  Caroline unstrapped Emma and grabbed her bag before heading toward the milling crowd.

  She scanned the faces looking for Andrew as she made her way to where the women had gathered before the service. Soon they would go in and take their places on either side of the cool interior of the barn. But she wanted to see him. Just once before the service started.

  Her heart gave a thump in her chest as her eyes met his sea-blue ones across the milling people. She smiled, happy to know that he was there. After the service they would put their plan together to help Esther and Abe fall in love.

  Surely that wasn’t a bad thing, to help two people along on the road to happiness. She just hoped that what she was doing didn’t interfere with God’s will, just spurred it along a little. Whenever absentminded Abe was involved, Caroline thought perhaps God could use all the help He could get. But just in case, she would add it to her prayer list.

  Caroline bounced Emma on her hip and halfheartedly listened to the women talk about quilts and canning as she waited for the bishop to call for church to start. Lorie was over talking to Jonah Miller while Elam Riehl seemed to have cornered Emily once again.

  Soon the bishop motioned everyone into the barn. Caroline chose a seat in the back just in case Emma got fussy. Ever the friend, Esther settled down next to her and waited for God’s message.

  Caroline set her purse on the floor and glanced to her right, only to find Andrew seated just the width of the aisle away. She smiled at him, and he shrugged with a sheepish grin.

  She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

  Abe sat on the opposite side of Andrew and seemed to be more interested in the nick out of the bench in front of him than anything else going on.

  A hush fell over the congregation as the bishop stood and called for prayer.

  Andrew was ashamed of himself. Well, almost. But Danny was at it again, trying to push him and Sarah together. Jah, he had agreed to have dinner with her, but that didn’t mean he wanted to sit close to her in church. A meal was one thing, but he didn’t want to give the girl the wrong impression. So he found a seat in the back and refused to budge from it.

  How ironic—or maybe it was blessed—that he was seated so close to Caroline. He couldn’t have planned that better even if he had tried.

  With a happy smile, he opened his hymn book and prepared to sing.

  Somewhere toward the middle of the service, Emma grew fussy. She was such a sweet baby that she didn’t create too much ruckus, though Andrew could tell Caroline was concerned that her daughter was making it hard on the others around them to hear the preacher.

  She gathered Emma in her arms and quietly stood, taking her to the back of the barn.

  In all honesty, Andrew didn’t think Emma was that noisy. In fact, if he hadn’t been seated directly across from her, he wouldn’t have even heard the child’s whimpering cries.

  But Caroline’s concern for those around her was just part of her makeup. She was conscious of others. Andrew smiled to himself as he remembered her slamming her hands on her hips and demanding that he take the bed his uncle had made for her back to the shop. She hadn’t wanted it, not because it wasn’t beautiful enough or wasn’t made correctly, like some of the Englisch complaints might be. Nay, she hadn’t wanted to keep it because it cost too much money and she didn’t want Esther to spend it on her.

  But Andrew peeked into the bakery every time he passed these days. Caroline worked hard for Esther. He couldn’t think of anyone more deserving of the beautiful cherry-wood furniture.

  He resisted the urge to turn and see if Caroline was in the back of the barn or if she had taken Emma outside for a breath of fresh air. Instead, he tried to focus his attention on the service. A few seats in front of him, Johnny Yoder stood and accepted his infant son from his wife Mary.

  Caroline didn’t have anyone to help with Emma. Well, no one except Esther. And Andrew couldn’t help but wonder why she had never remarried. Most women would have already found another. That was just how the Amish life worked. Accepting God’s will and getting on with living.

  Caroline was hardworking, caring, and gentle, beautiful even. And he was surprised that none of the Amish men surrounding him had tried to take her hand and start a life together.

  Caroline returned to her seat a few moments later, a flushed and sleeping Emma in her arms.

  She looked to him and smiled, and Andrew felt his heart expand with the simple serenity of it all, sweet mother, sweet child. It was a beautiful sight.

  He turned his gaze back to the front and tried his best not to be so aware of every little move she made. But he couldn’t help his bubbling excitement at the afternoon they had planned. His uncle was another so deserving of love, yet not finding it. Jah, it was going to be a gut afternoon, for sure.

  As they stood for the final prayer before dismissal, Andrew fully realized why it was customary for the men and women to sit on opposite sides during church. Being so close to Caroline was more than distracting. He just hoped no one wanted to discuss the sermon later. He couldn’t remember a word.

  Dear Caroline,

  Words cannot express the joy I feel when I see your name in the mailbox. I have taken to running to meet the postman as soon as I hear him coming down the road.

  I have to hide your letters from your father. He still cannot speak your name, nor will he allow anyone else to do so in his presence. I hope you understand that his anger stems from love and one day he will be accepting (though I don’t think he will ever be happy about it). That is my nightly prayer, that his acceptance come soon. Then you will be able to return and join us here once again.

  Along with your letters I have hidden the picture of Emma. I only allow myself to take it out once a week when your father goes into town. Even then, it has started to show creases and wear. Of course the bishop knows nothing about it. He is such a gut man that I hate to have secrets, but this one is best kept between you and me.

  Emma. What a wonderful and beautiful child God has given you! How I wish I could be there with the two of you. My arms long to hold her and rock her to sleep as I did you when you were but a tiny boppli. Even now I would give anything I have to be able to touch your face and look into your eyes once again.

  I miss you, liebschdi, and pray every morning and night that one day you’ll be able to return to us.

  With love always,

  Mamm

  Chapter Six

  Everyone milled about after the service, talking about the weather and planning their afternoon. Caroline heard rumors of a volleyball game brewing at the Detweilers’ and a Bible reading at the Fishers’. But she had already made her plans.

  “Are you ready to leave now?” Esther gazed at her with concern and questions shining in her deep brown eyes.

  Where is Andrew? “Just a minute more.” Caroline smiled though she wanted to grimace. Emma was a heavy weight in her arms, her warm body pressed so close, creating trickling beads of sweat.

  She rocked from side to side in a gesture that appeared like she was soothing her sleeping child when it also enabled her to scan more of the crowd for her matchmaking partner.

  “Here he comes.” She managed not to sigh with relief.

  “Who?” Esther turned one way and then the other, a small frown on her brow.

  “I told Andrew I would meet him after the service.”

  “Oh.” Then “Oh” as the notion dawned on her. “Well, that’s gut then, jah?”

  “Esther, I know that look, and it’s not what you think. We’
re just friends.”

  “Jah, freinden.” Esther smiled in a way that let Caroline know that she did not believe her. What could she do but let the matter drop as Andrew stopped before them.

  “Good afternoon.” He nodded at each of them in turn.

  “Good afternoon,” they both echoed.

  “Onkle and I were hoping that you ladies would join us for a meal.”

  Caroline almost laughed at the light sparkling in Esther’s eyes. She didn’t know which had the older woman more excited, the idea of spending time with Abe or an afternoon of matchmaking between Caroline and Andrew. She hoped it was the first one.

  “We’d love to,” Caroline said with a smile.

  “You can’t ride your bikes all the way to the farm. Would you like to ride in the buggy with us?”

  “Jah.” Caroline hated how stiff her voice sounded. She had better start acting natural or one of them would see through their ruse. “That would be gut.”

  Andrew nodded and started walking backward. “I’ll just go get Onkle.” He bumped into someone, then turned and made his way through the milling congregation.

  “If you wanted to go to dinner with Andrew, you didn’t have to drag me along,” Esther said.

  “You don’t want to have dinner with Abe?” Caroline asked.

  “I-I did not say that, it’s just . . .”

  “Just what?” Caroline returned.

  Esther pressed her lips together, then sighed. “Danki, Caroline.”

  Caroline gave her friend a small smile. “You’re welcome, Esther.” It was the least she could do.

  Abe’s buggy was big enough that they could all five fit comfortably inside.

  As Abe helped Esther into the front seat, Andrew took the sleeping Emma from Caroline so she could swing herself into the back.

  She reached her arms out for her baby, but Andrew managed to hop into the back, the child still cradled to his chest, and settle down without disturbing her.

  “I can take her now.”

  “It’s all right,” he said. “I’m sure your arms are tired.”