Caroline's Secret Read online

  “I don’t think I’ve ever traveled by tractor before.” Caroline lifted her face to the wind, enjoying the sensation of the breeze on her skin. The strings of her prayer kapp floated behind her, and she felt as if she were flying.

  “Ever?” Andrew asked, only briefly taking his gaze from the road to study her.

  Caroline shook her head and smiled. “Never ever.”

  “They didn’t have tractors in your district?”

  “Nay,” she said, a little uncomfortable that the subject had come up. Normally she shied away from talking about her past. It was just easier that way.

  Andrew shook his head. “No tractors . . . must have been very conservative.”

  “Jah.” What else could she say? “Conservative” was not quite the best word to describe the Swartzentruber district where she had grown up. But if she told Andrew that, more questions would come. Questions that she wasn’t prepared to answer. Not yet, anyway.

  Andrew nudged her with his elbow and pointed toward the pasture on their left. “See that?”

  A beautiful black mare nuzzled the neck of a shiny colt of the same color.

  The breath caught in Caroline’s throat. What a wondrous sight, that magnificent horse and her offspring.

  The tractor spat and jerked as Andrew downshifted and slowed the vehicle. He turned the big green machine into the long dirt drive to the other side of the pasture.

  “She’s yours? The horse?”

  He shook his head as he completed the turn and chugged the tractor up the winding drive. “Nay. Onkle leases the land to several owners and breeders.”

  “Really? So you have horses here all the time?”

  “Jah.”

  Caroline sighed. She loved horses. Other than her family, she missed them the most. She and Esther had no need for a horse and buggy living in town like they did. They simply rode their bikes wherever they needed to go. If their destination was farther than that, they hired a driver or rode with friends. Caroline missed the rocking of the buggy and the slow clop of horse hooves.

  It was her one regret; that Emma would never have that experience. She stopped that negative thought before it could grow any bigger. No one knew what the future held for any of them. Only God. And though her faith had been sorely tested in the months since Emma’s birth, she’d do well to remember that.

  “You are welcome to come out anytime and visit the horses.”

  Was her face that easy to read? “I’d like that, but I don’t have a way here.”

  “Just say the word, and I’ll bring you here. Emma too. I love the horses. It’s one of the things I miss the most about farming.” He pulled the tractor to a stop in front of a long building with a green tin roof and turned off the engine.

  He hopped down from the driver’s seat and reached up to help Caroline do the same.

  She ignored the little zing she felt when Andrew placed his hands on her waist and swung her to the ground. Evidently she was the only one who felt it, for he released her without a word and reached into his pocket for the shop keys.

  She just wasn’t used to such touches was all. Her community back in Tennessee was one of the most conservative among the Amish. She hadn’t had many suitors, and her relationship with Emma’s father was shatteringly brief. She couldn’t be expected to be accustomed to such familiarity.

  She couldn’t allow that weird tingle to stand in the way of their friendship. She and Andrew had agreed to be friends and friends only. She’d do well to remember that.

  “I won’t be but a few minutes.” Andrew pointed toward the fenced-in pasture behind the building. “The horses tend to come up to the gate when we pull in. You can go see them while I load the chairs.”

  “I’d love that.”

  True to his word, a beautiful dapple gray with a thick black mane and a chestnut with a white blaze down his nose stood, waiting patiently for a human to come around the side of the building. As soon as they spotted her, they shifted their weight and gave a small nicker and a flick of their tails.

  “Look at the schpass horses,” Caroline crooned. She approached quietly as to not startle them, though they looked to be gentle and eager for attention.

  She ran a hand down the dapple’s silky nose, then laughed as the horse nudged her neck as if looking for a treat. If she had known, she would have brought a lump of sugar or a carrot for these wonderful creatures.

  She lavished attention on the other horse, then sighed as they backed away from the gate, no doubt because there were no treats to be found. Caroline gazed out over the lush green field dotted in yellow and pink of the occasional wildflower.

  How peaceful it was here, a lot like home but not the same either. The serenity was similar, the hushed air and tangible presence of God, but the general condition of the farm was different. Whereas her home community didn’t believe in adding so much to the land except for a garden to support the family dinner table, the people of Wells Landing planted extra flowers around their outbuildings and across the front of their houses. It was beautiful and unnecessary and brought tears to her eyes. What was wrong with beauty for the sake of beauty anyway? Did the denial bring a person closer to God? She didn’t think so.

  She bowed her head and said a quick prayer of forgiveness. She shouldn’t be having those negative thoughts. In fact, it was thoughts like those that had her running from home in the first place. Everyone was allowed religious freedom in this great country. That was the main reason her people had come here so long ago. And they were still able to follow God as they saw fit, a right that should not be taken lightly.

  “All done.”

  Caroline lifted her head as Andrew came around the building.

  “Are you allrecht?”

  “Jah. It’s just so beautiful here.”

  A knowing light gleamed in Andrew’s blue eyes. “That it is.”

  Caroline gazed longingly across the lush fields. Seeing the open fields, the green grass bumping against the blue sky, made her homesick unlike anything she had felt since leaving Tennessee. But she was here now, part of this community. She had left Ethridge and everything it stood for behind her. And that was just the way it was.

  “I’ve been thinking,” Andrew said over the hum of the tractor engine.

  “Jah?”

  “About Esther and Abe.”

  They were halfway back to town before Caroline had completely swallowed the lump in her throat. Coming out to the farm with Andrew had brought back more memories than she cared to admit. She hadn’t gotten a letter back from her mamm after the last one she sent with the picture of Emma tucked inside. After all the pieces of the Ordnung that she had gone against, photographs seemed trivial at best. But it seemed her mother had different ideas. Perhaps Caroline should write her again and apologize . . .

  “What about Esther and Abe?” she asked, pushing thoughts of her Tennessee home to the back of her mind.

  “Well, it seems to me that if they are ever going to get to be a couple, they are going to need some encouragement.”

  “You mean like matchmaking?”

  “Isn’t that what Esther is trying to do with us?”

  Caroline shrugged. “I guess.”

  “But she’s really interested in Onkle, right?”

  “Right.”

  Andrew pulled the tractor onto Main Street and chugged toward the bakery. “He’s a bit . . . distracted, so the only way she’s going to gain his attention is with outside help.”

  He had a point. Esther had married her husband young and had been widowed early in their marriage. She never remarried and, as far as Caroline knew, had never even courted again. Going after a man was not in her traditional Amish makeup even if she knew what to do to garner Abe’s attention. Caroline wanted nothing more than Esther’s happiness. And Abe . . . well, Abe was about as distracted as they came.

  Andrew pulled into the parking lot in front of the bakery and left the engine running as he swung down from the cab.

  “What do y
ou suppose we can do about it?”

  Andrew smiled as he clasped Caroline around the waist and hoisted her to the ground. This time she had to ignore the charm of his crooked grin as well as the little tingles his touch produced. “Esther seems intent on pushing us together, right?”

  “Jah.”

  “So we just include them in whatever activities that Esther concocts for us.”

  “You really want to do this?”

  Andrew nodded, the wind stirring the strands of his dark, dark hair where it stuck out from under his plain straw hat. “My onkle could use a little more happiness in his life. What about Esther?”

  Esther had done so much for her in the nearly two years Caroline had been in Wells Landing. What way was more perfect to pay her back than by helping her grab the attention of her new true love?

  “Jah . . . okay, then. I’ll help you.” After all, it was the least she could do.

  Dear Mamm and Dat,

  I’m sorry if you are upset about the photograph of Emma. I know it is a sin to be proud, but I can’t help but feel something even greater than love whenever I look at her. This tiny creature that God helped me bring into the world.

  There is so much that can be said about God’s will. Was it God’s will that I had Emma or the devil’s handiwork? I can’t help but look into her sweet face and see the hand of our Lord and maker.

  And it is surely God’s will that I got off the bus here in Wells Landing. I have made so many gut friends since I have been here. Not only Esther, but Lorie and Emily as well. You remember them, I hope. They are such gut freinden. I met another friend this week. His name is Andrew and his onkle makes furniture. Beautiful pieces that grossdaadi would love. Anyway, Andrew and I went out to his uncle’s farm where he stables horses for others. Oh, the smell of the earth and the green grass! It reminded me so much of home that it brought tears to my eyes. As much as I have enjoyed getting to know these new people here in Oklahoma, I still miss all that is familiar to me in Ethridge.

  I love you both and think of you often. I just wanted you to know.

  Love,

  Caroline

  Chapter Three

  The bell over the bakery door rang, signifying that another customer had come into the shop.

  Caroline wiped her hands on a towel and pushed the little tendrils of escaped hair off her forehead with the back of her wrist. And turned around to greet . . .

  “Andrew.”

  “Hi, Caroline.”

  Caroline gazed down at herself in dismay. The front of her apron was covered with flour.

  “Did you have a problem?”

  She brushed herself off and tried to smile. “Nay.”

  “So you are always this messy?”

  “Andrew, what a thing to say.”

  He smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I just . . .” He trailed off with a shrug.

  “Is that what you came here for? To critique my baking process?”

  “Actually, no.” He leaned in a little closer to her and whispered, “Can we go for a walk? I have something I want to talk to you about.”

  Just then Esther came out of the back room carrying a stack of newly washed baking pans. Caroline could well imagine what it looked like to the other woman, Andrew bent low to whisper in her ear. Close, intimate.

  “Esther, is it okay if I take a quick break?”

  The older woman set the pans on the counter, then looked from Caroline to Andrew and back again. Her eyes lit with prospects. “Of course, liebschdi. Take all the time you need.”

  Caroline resisted the urge to roll her eyes. They had several loaves of bread on order today as well as a birthday cake for the Baptist pastor’s upcoming celebration. She didn’t have time to loiter with Andrew, but it seemed that Esther felt some things were more important.

  If Andrew noticed, he didn’t say anything, just waited patiently with a small smile on his face as Caroline removed her apron and did the best she could to smooth down her hair without the aid of a mirror. Why she even attempted was a matter for discussion. Once she walked out into the Oklahoma wind, she’d be lucky if the pins held her prayer kapp in place, much less the wayward strands of her unruly hair.

  Andrew held the door open for her and out they walked into the warm summer sunshine.

  “So, what did you need to talk about?” Caroline asked as they started down Main Street.

  “I have an idea.”

  “Oh?”

  “About how to get Esther and Onkle together.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “After church on Sunday, I’ll invite you and Esther out to the house. You know she’ll come so that she can get the two of us together. After we eat, you and I can head down and look at the horses, and that’ll give them plenty of time together . . . alone. Surely Esther can get him to pay attention to her if we leave them alone.”

  “Don’t be so sure.” Caroline laughed, and Andrew joined in.

  “We can always hope.”

  “What about Emma?”

  A small frown creased his brow. “Of course she’s invited too.”

  Caroline shook her head with a smile. “I would hope so. I meant, what will we do with her when we go to see the horses?”

  “Take her with us. I mean, if that’s all right. She’s not afraid of horses, is she?”

  “Nay,” she said, though she wasn’t sure if Emma was afraid of the great beasts or not. The toddler had never been around horses for more than a minute or two, passing on the street or in the parking lot at the store. But oh, how Caroline wanted her to have some experience with the beautiful creatures. “That would be wonderful.”

  “Jah?”

  “Jah.” They reached the end of the shopping center and turned back toward the bakery.

  Her friend Lorie stood just inside the Kauffman Family Restaurant and waved, a wondering look on her pretty face. Lunch in the park today would be full of questions, for sure and for certain.

  Caroline waved back to Lorie and kept walking beside Andrew.

  “So we’re set, then?” Andrew asked as they neared the bakery’s big glass door.

  “All set.” Caroline smiled.

  “I’ll see you Sunday, then.” Andrew tipped his hat and headed across the street and back to the furniture store.

  “So what’s going on with you and Andrew Fitch?” Lorie had no more than set the Styrofoam container holding her lunch on the picnic table before the question flew out of her mouth.

  Caroline opened her brown paper sack, setting Emma’s finger foods in front of her before extracting her own sandwich. “Nothing. But you’re not going to believe me.”

  “It didn’t look like ‘nothing’ to me.”

  Emily popped the top on her soda and looked at each of them in turn. “What did I miss?”

  “Caroline and Andrew Fitch walking down the street arm in arm this morning.”

  “We were not arm in arm,” Caroline emphatically corrected.

  “But you were walking down the street together?” Emily looked from Caroline to Lorie for confirmation.

  Lorie nodded.

  “It’s not like that,” Caroline protested.

  Emily studied her with her knowing eyes. “Then what’s it like?”

  Caroline expelled an exasperated sigh. “Why does everyone want to get me married off?”

  “Because you’re the nicest person I know,” Lorie started. “And I want to see you happy.”

  “Why does everyone think I’m unhappy?”

  Emily shook her head. “It’s not that we think you’re unhappy, we just don’t think you are happy.”

  “Is there a difference?”

  “Jah,” Lorie said. “Not unhappy is floating along and not really going anywhere.”

  “Existing,” Emily added. “Just getting by.”

  “But happy . . .” Lorie’s entire face lit up like the streetlights every evening. “Happy is floating on air, each step lighter than the next.”

  Caroline shook her head, a
small smile on her lips. “You’ve been reading those Englisch romance novels again, haven’t you?”

  “Is it wrong to want true love?” Lorie asked.

  “No.” Emily’s answer was emphatic.

  “I appreciate your concern,” Caroline said. “But I’m fine with ‘not unhappy.’ I have Emma to think about.”

  “That’s it.” Emily snapped her fingers. “You do have Emma to think about. And she’s the very reason you should get married again.”

  Caroline swung her gaze to her lap to keep the shame from shining in her eyes. Married again would be impossible, seeing as how she had never married the first time. Even as close as she had become with Lorie and Emily, she had never told them the truth about her relationship with Emma’s father.

  “Marriage is a fine thing.” Emily patted the back of her prayer kapp.

  “Jah, but why does it have to involve Andrew Fitch?” Caroline asked.

  “I didn’t bring up Andrew,” Emily said slyly. “You did.”

  “You need someone like you,” Lorie explained. “Just look at me and Jonah.”

  “I thought you were having doubts,” Emily said.

  “Well, only a few. But doubts don’t equal unhappy.”

  Caroline breathed a sigh of relief that the conversation had shifted away from her. She was not in the market for another relationship. She had her hands full with Emma, Esther, and the bakery. But if she were to want to date again . . .

  Well, Andrew would make some lucky woman a fine wife. Once he got over whatever caused the pain haunting his so-blue eyes.

  Caroline had enough of her own heartache. It wouldn’t do at all to take on someone else’s.

  An hour later, Caroline carried her sleeping angel into the back rooms at the bakery and turned on the monitor. She had fought long and hard with the elders concerning the use of the Englisch device. Well, Esther had. Caroline had asked, been denied, and started making other plans. But ever her champion, Esther had not relented until the bishop saw and agreed to Caroline’s need for the monitor.