Caroline's Secret Read online

  “I just wanted her to like me.”

  She couldn’t really be mad at him. “Now that you have accomplished your goal, will you please switch to apples or carrots?”

  Andrew made a face and bounced Emma on his hip. “I suppose.”

  But he whispered something to the toddler, and Caroline was certain it was a promise for cookies to be mixed in with the healthier foods.

  Caroline shook her head with a smile and sat down at the table.

  Andrew sat down across from her, Emma still in his arms.

  “You can’t play Scrabble and hold her.”

  He raised one dark brow in a look so mischievous, it made her almost laugh. “Are you afraid I’ll have an unfair advantage?”

  “I just—” I’m just not used to having people to help. To hold Emma, to share her with. “She’s getting too big to carry around all the time.”

  Andrew smoothed a hand down Emma’s dark curls. “When she gets too heavy I’ll let you know.”

  Out of reasonable protests, Caroline let the matter drop.

  Esther set up the board while Abe passed out the letter stands. They each chose their tiles and the game began.

  “English or Deutsch?”

  “Deutsch,” Andrew said on top of Caroline’s request of “English.”

  Abe looked from one of them to the other, then back to Esther.

  She shrugged. “English,” Esther said. “How often do you get to work on English spelling?”

  “That’s a gut idea,” Abe said. “The four of us hail from three different districts, which means three different Deutsch spellings.”

  Esther blushed at the compliment and smoothed the pleats of her apron.

  “Jah, you’re right,” Andrew agreed. “It would be harder to play in Deutsch since the language was never formally written down.”

  “English it is,” Abe said.

  “I’ll get the dictionary.” Caroline pushed to her feet and went to fetch it.

  “No looking for words,” Esther said emphatically. “That’s cheating. You have to have a word in mind to use the dictionary. Agreed?”

  “Agreed,” they echoed.

  “One more thing,” Andrew added as Caroline set the book on the side of the table. “Can we have a snack while we play? I’m hungry.”

  “Dinner will be ready in just a little bit,” Caroline said, but Esther was already on her feet.

  She returned moments later with a plate stacked high with tiny slices of bread covered in a creamy white cheese.

  “This is something we’ve been working on at the bakery.”

  “What is it?” Abe eyed the offering with a look akin to distrust.

  Andrew apparently had a more adventuresome outlook and snagged three of them before Esther could make room on the table.

  “It’s a bruschetta. A toasted bread with goat cheese. We thought the Englischers might like it.”

  “I know I do.” Andrew reached for another piece and gave it to Emma before grabbing another for himself.

  “You’re going to be too full for supper,” Caroline chastised with a smile and a shake of her head to take the sting from her words.

  “Don’t be so sure,” Esther said. “My John could out-eat men twice his size.”

  “Jah,” Andrew agreed. “I would eat even more if I farmed.”

  “I don’t know where you put it all.” Caroline shook her head just as the phone rang.

  “That must be the restaurant.”

  Esther deposited the plate on the table and rushed to the front of the bakery where the business phone was located.

  While she was gone, Caroline took Emma from Andrew and sat her in the high chair. The toddler slapped her hands against the tray as if demanding food.

  Andrew chuckled. “Someone else is still hungry too, I see.”

  “Jah, but the boppli is still growing.”

  Andrew pulled a hurt face. “I am too.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “Come on.” Andrew motioned to Caroline to follow him to the door. “Let’s go get the food. There’s no sense in everyone walking down there.”

  He was absolutely right. But what a perfect plan for them to go and leave Esther and Abe with a little time alone. Ach, alone with a fifteen-month-old. But at least they’d have to make some sort of conversation with each other.

  “I think this night is a big success,” Andrew said as they started down the sidewalk back toward the Kauffman Family Restaurant.

  “Jah.” Caroline nodded, the strings of her prayer kapp dancing around her shoulders. “I was worried when I saw that the restaurant was so full.”

  “But this is better, jah? We can eat and talk and not have to worry about gawking Englischers.”

  “They mean well, don’t you think?”

  Andrew shrugged.

  “I heard there were places in Pennsylvania where they let the Englischers take pictures as long as the Plain folk don’t pose for them.”

  “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard,” Andrew replied. “A picture is a picture. I don’t know how one could be better than another.”

  A wave of shame washed over Caroline. There were three pictures that she treasured. One of Emma, one of Trey, and one of herself and Trey together. It was all she had left of him. Once her father had found out what she had done, he had gone into her room and searched until he found her secret box filled with mementoes of her time with Trey—a dried flower, a paperback copy of Romeo and Juliet, and the plastic ring he had given her at the carnival.

  Then her father had destroyed all her reminders, all except the one she carried inside.

  “Caroline?”

  “Jah?” At the sound of Andrew’s voice, she turned her attention back to the present. She had sworn not to live in the past. What was done was done. There was no going back. No future in the past.

  “You were a million miles away.”

  Not quite so many. “I’m sorry.” She realized that he was standing with the door open, waiting on her to go into the restaurant. “Ach, sorry,” she said again and set her feet into motion.

  Millie brought their food to the front of the restaurant and handed it to them with a tired smile. The number of diners had dropped off, giving the staff a little bit of a break.

  “Caroline?”

  She should have known this would happen. Caroline turned to face her friend. “Hi, Lorie. What are you doing here at night?”

  Lorie’s smile stretched far and wide. “They called me in since they were so busy. The question here is, what are you doing here?”

  “Andrew and I came down to pick up some food for his uncle and Esther.”

  Lorie nodded in a manner that clearly said she didn’t believe a word of it.

  Caroline would have a lot of explaining to do to get out of this one. Tomorrow’s lunch would be filled with a hundred questions about why she was seen at the diner with Andrew Fitch. Even though there was nothing to it. Why did girls see things where nothing existed? Caroline shook her head.

  “Danki,” Andrew said, accepting the large, handled to-go sack from Millie.

  “Gern gschehne,” Millie said with a smile of her own.

  “Ready, Caroline?”

  “Jah,” she said, then turned back to Lorie. “It’s a sin to gossip,” Caroline reminded her.

  Lorie’s smile got a little bit wider. “But I only speak the truth, mein freind.”

  “What was that all about?” Andrew asked once they were back on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.

  “Nix”.

  “If it was nothing, then why are you frowning and running like the devil is on your heels?”

  Caroline slowed her steps. “I—” Truth was she didn’t know why she was so angry. But she did not want everyone to get the wrong impression. “I don’t want people to think there’s more to our friendship than . . . well, friendship.”

  “Seems to me what matters most is what’s in our hearts.”

  Caroline expelled t
he breath she had been holding. “Ach, you’re right.”

  Andrew smiled that dazzling smile that warmed her from the inside out. “Of course I am.”

  He opened the door and Caroline stepped into the apartment just ahead of him. “Be careful, you don’t want to bang that swelled head of yours on the door frame.”

  Andrew laughed. “Are you saying I’ve got a big head?”

  “I’m saying vanity is frowned upon.”

  “I’ll try to remember that,” he said with a chuckle. Then he nodded to the table where Abe and Esther sat, heads close together as they looked through a book that lay open in front of them.

  Seems like our plan is working after all. The thought warmed her almost as much as Andrew’s smile.

  “Supper’s here.”

  “Ach, gut,” Abe said, looking up from the Bible he and Esther had been reading. “I’m ready to eat.”

  “And then afterward we’ll start our Scrabble game,” Esther added. “Biblical words only.”

  “That’s a fine idea,” Caroline said. Then she smiled to herself and said a small prayer of thanks that the Lord had blessed her with such good friends.

  Emma fell asleep just after supper. Caroline was amazed that the child could rest so well with all of the noise the adults were making as they played their word games. Yet the toddler had always been in the middle of things, baking times and party preparations, so it was no wonder she could sleep through the boisterous game raging in the dining area of the tiny apartment.

  Once the last tile had been played, Caroline wiped the tears of laughter on the tail end of her apron and gave a sigh. She hadn’t had this much fun in . . . well, she never remembered having this much fun ever in her life.

  The thought was sobering.

  She glanced from Abe and Esther as they gathered up the tiles, still playfully arguing over the use of proper names within their biblical-words-only game.

  Esther reached for the corner of the board as Abe did the same. Their hands collided somewhere in the middle.

  They stopped dead still that way, Abe staring at their touching hands, Esther staring at Abe.

  Maybe Abe wasn’t immune to Esther’s charms after all.

  Andrew cleared his throat behind her. “Would you like to take a quick walk?”

  Caroline hid her smile as he shifted from one foot to the other. She wasn’t sure if it was the budding romance before them that made him so uncomfortable or the part he was playing in their little charade.

  She patted her stomach, joining in as best she could. “Jah, I could use a walk to burn off some of that chocolate pie we ate.”

  Caroline turned back to Esther, but the other woman only had eyes for Abe Fitch.

  “Esther?”

  “Jah?” Esther tore her gaze from Abe and finally turned her attention to Caroline.

  “Andrew and I are going for a walk. Will you and Abe be all right? I mean, can you listen for Emma for me?”

  Esther nodded as Abe folded the game board and handed it to her.

  “I could use another cup of coffee,” Abe hinted.

  Esther’s smile deepened. “I’ll go start a fresh pot.”

  “We won’t be gone long.” Andrew took Caroline’s elbow and led her toward the door.

  Abe waved a hand toward them as he stared toward the kitchen door where Esther had recently disappeared. “Take your time,” he said, still watching the door. “Take your time.”

  Caroline managed to hold her laughter until they were a fair distance across the street. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt Abe or Esther, but this budding romance between the two of them was as sweet as sugar. How could she not find joy in the simple affection they were discovering together?

  “Sometimes I wonder if Esther really thinks we are becoming more than friends or if she has finally realized we’re working on getting her and Abe together.” Caroline collapsed into one of the swings, clutching her sides from holding back her mirth.

  “I think she figured it out tonight.”

  She shook her head as Andrew took the seat next to her. “It may not be so easy to get them to fall in love.”

  “Don’t be so surprised if it’s not. I do believe my onkle Abe is smitten.”

  Caroline laughed. “Smitten? I’ve seen him look at blocks of wood with more affection.”

  “I said smitten, not full-out love.”

  Caroline dissolved into giggles and used her feet to push her swing into motion. How long had it been since she had enjoyed the simple pleasure of swinging, the wind on her face, the strings of her prayer kapp trailing behind her?

  Too long.

  She came to the park nigh on every day to eat lunch and allow Emma to play. But it had been a very long time since she had come for the simple pleasure of being there herself.

  She pumped her legs and took her swing even higher, reaching out her toes like she had when she was a young girl. Back then she was sure that she could touch the sky. But those were silly, foolish dreams. Just like the ones she had about her and Trey. Silly. Foolish. Destined to fail from the very beginning.

  All of a sudden a dark cloud surrounded her mood. Why was it these days that every time she felt overabundance of joy, thoughts of Trey, of what might have been, of her family and all the mistakes that she had made crashed her back to reality?

  “You better slow down.”

  Caroline pumped harder, only then realizing that Andrew had abandoned his swing and stood far in front of her, watching with worried eyes as she tried to touch the stars.

  But there were no stars to touch, just faraway lights that twinkled and mocked and beckoned a reckless heart like her own.

  Reckless.

  That was the exact word her father used to describe her behavior. Reckless.

  Caroline let go of the swing, flying through the air for mere seconds, an eternity, before crashing down, stumbling. Then Andrew’s arms were around her, steadying her. Preventing her from falling.

  She drew in a sharp breath. Her body tingled where he held her, scorched where it collided with his. But all that was just a trick of the night.

  Her bishop back home had said to beware of the night. A body never knew what was lurking in the darkness. Friend or foe, the Lord or Lucifer. A person couldn’t tell until it was too late.

  Breathless, she turned her face up to Andrew’s, needing to see his eyes, the face of a friend, and know that she was safe.

  But when her eyes met his, something changed, something shifted, and no longer did the night seem like it harbored danger. It was just her and Andrew and the shadows.

  Then as if a shutter had been drawn, the keen light in his eyes was gone and nothing was in its place.

  Using his hold on her arms, the grasp that had so recently saved her from falling, Andrew set her away from him.

  Caroline swayed and almost lost her balance before she regained her footing.

  Had she done something wrong? “Andrew?”

  He turned away, shook his head, and stared toward the dark thatch of trees in the center of the town square.

  It was too soon for him. Way too soon to be thinking about courtin’ another, and yet there it was. The zing of her touch, the sizzle whenever she was near, and all the other signs that the Englisch wrote about in their romance books. He should know; he’d seen his share of them growing up. Oh, never out in the open, but tucked under quilts and hidden in treasure boxes under the bed. He’d even found one buried in the hayloft. With six sisters, it was no wonder.

  That was how he recognized the signs, but this was not something he wanted. He had only lost Beth a few short months ago. He wasn’t ready for love, he wasn’t ready to forget the girl he’d known he wanted to marry since he was big enough to form thoughts into words.

  He didn’t want to love Caroline. Didn’t want to respond to her. Best to keep his distance and let whatever it was he felt when she was near die a natural death. It seemed the only way he’d be able to fight it now. And fight it he must.
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  He turned away from her, not missing the flash of hurt in those pretty hazel eyes before she was out of his line of vision.

  Hurt or not, it was better this way.

  “Tell my onkle I’ll wait for him at the shop.”

  Caroline tossed and turned long into the night. She was confused, and she prayed, but she wanted those answers in that moment. She had no patience to see what God had in store for her. Aside from Esther, Lorie, and Emily, Andrew was the best friend she had. And she didn’t want to lose him. As a friend . . . or even more.

  But something had happened between them tonight. If she were being honest with herself, it had happened a long time ago, the first time she saw him crossing the street cradling the rails of the very bed she lay in. The first time she had fallen headfirst into the sea blue of his crystalline eyes.

  There was just something special about Andrew Fitch. And rather than saddle him with her problems, she opted to be his friend. She had jumped at the chance when he had offered it to her.

  But now . . .

  Well, now things were different.

  She wouldn’t be able to fool herself in to believing that she just wanted to be his freind, that his touch didn’t make her heart skip a beat or his laugh bring a joy to her day.

  Caroline rolled toward the inside of the bed, quietly pushing the dark curls off Emma’s forehead. She couldn’t think only of herself.

  Emma was her world. The reason she got up each day, the reason she worked hard and continued on. She had given up everything for Emma, her life in Tennessee, her girlish hopes and dreams. And once she lost Trey . . . Emma had become her everything.

  Caroline raised onto one arm in order to kiss her sleeping baby. Precious.

  She might be reckless but Emma was precious, by far the best of her and Trey combined. She was a gift from the Lord, and Caroline silently vowed to always treat her as such.

  Regardless of anything she felt for Andrew Fitch now and in the future.

  She closed her eyes and willed her heart to obey her words.

  Dear Mamm,

  It’s amazing to me how two districts can call themselves Amish and be so different. Here in Wells Landing, so many of us make our living selling our wares to the English.