Caroline's Secret Read online

  Andrew grasped her elbow and led her to the shiny black buggy.

  “We’re only going to the Millers’, jah?”

  “Jah,” he replied, taking the bag from her and depositing it in the small backseat. He sat Emma in the middle of the front and helped Caroline climb on board. “I thought you liked traveling by horse and buggy.” He looked almost disappointed.

  “I do, I do.” Caroline settled down onto the cushioned seat and straightened her skirts around her. “I just thought we’d take the tractor.”

  “Nay, the bishop likes for us to take our carriages as much as possible.” He climbed up next to her and leaned close enough that her heart gave a little jump as she inhaled the sweet scent of his Sunday clothes. “I really did it for you, though.”

  Caroline smiled as he set the horses into motion.

  Dear Lizzie,

  I hope this letter finds you well and good. I am enjoying myself here in Oklahoma, though I never thought I’d be able to say that. However, life is not without its trials. But I guess you know that more than most. That is why I am writing you, shveshtah.

  Although it’s been less than a year, I can hardly remember Beth’s face. Just writing that brings tears to my eyes. And please don’t tell her elders or Mamm and Dat that I said as much. I wouldn’t want to hurt them in any way. Yet the fact that her features have become blurry in my mind’s eye bothers me more than I can say. At this rate I won’t be able to recall her face by this time next year. Perhaps this is God’s way of preparing me to go on.

  Cousin Danny is determined to see me happily married, even though I tell him daily that I am not ready for a relationship. His girlfriend, Julie, has a friend named Sarah. Though she is sweet as pie and not hard to look at, I find myself counting the minutes until I can excuse myself from her.

  On the bright side, I have met a gut friend. Her name is Caroline. She’s a young widow with a small boppli. If I had to guess I’d say wee Emma is just over a year old. She’s the cutest thing, with dark curls and eyes the color of the sky before it rains.

  I must close for now and remind Onkle that it is time for our nightly devotional. Give everyone my love and write me soon.

  Your bruder,

  Andrew

  Chapter Ten

  Pulling into the drive at Jonah Miller’s haus was like stepping back in time to the carefree days of courtin’. Even though Andrew had been to his share of youth gatherings since coming to Oklahoma, something about today felt different. Maybe it was the fact Caroline was at his side. Or rather next to him, with Emma in between.

  He pulled the buggy alongside the rest of the line and unhitched the horses as Caroline gathered Emma and their things.

  In a flash, Andrew imagined that they were a family, arriving at a gathering, picnic, or barn raising. Just the three of them. It was what he had dreamed of as he had watched Beth waste away.

  But as much as he tried, Caroline’s was the only face that would materialize.

  “Andrew? Are you allrecht?”

  Caroline.

  “Of course,” he said, shaking away the image. “Do you want me to take Emma?”

  She shook her head.

  They had no sooner reached the empty side pasture where the volleyball net had been set up than Danny hurried over. “Andrew! Goedemiddag.” Danny smacked him on the back in that jovial way of his. “Mach schnell, mach schnell. They are picking teams.”

  As much as Andrew wanted to rush off after his cousin, he had invited Caroline to come with him.

  “Danny, do you know Caroline Hostetler?”

  “We’ve met once before. Wie geht, Caroline?”

  “Gut, danki,” she said with a small nod. “Go ahead, Andrew.”

  He hesitated for a fraction of a second. “I’ll see you after the game?”

  “Of course.”

  Danny hooked an arm across his shoulders and steered him toward the playing field. “Ach, what are you doing?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Andrew adjusted his stride to match his cousin’s faster pace.

  “You told Sarah that you weren’t ready to start courtin’, then you bring Caroline.”

  Andrew shook his head. “We’re not dating.”

  “It sure looks like that to me.”

  He supposed it did. Even he had thought how it seemed like they were a family.

  “What a mess.” Danny sighed. “You should apologize to Sarah and explain after the game.”

  “I don’t owe Sarah an explanation. You were the one to get her hopes up that there could be more between us.” Saying the words felt mean-spirited, but they were true. He had never given Sarah any reason to believe that they were or could ever be anything more than freinden. That was all on Danny.

  Sides were chosen and the game began. Andrew found it difficult to not glance at the sidelines to check on Caroline and Emma.

  Once the game was over, he jogged to where they were waiting. Caroline had a tall glass of lemonade poured and ready for him.

  He gratefully tipped it back, enjoying the sweet-tart taste and the refreshing coolness of it. Once half the drink was gone, he lowered the glass and wiped his mouth.

  “I have to go talk to Sarah Yoder,” he said. “Danny has seen fit to try to get us together and—”

  “You don’t have to explain to me.” Caroline shaded her eyes as she looked up at him from the blanket where she and Emma sat.

  He nodded. At least Caroline understood. “I won’t be but a minute.” Hopefully.

  Caroline refilled his glass and handed it back to him. “I’ll see you then.”

  Andrew walked away, wondering how his life had taken such a turn for the complicated. The whole reason for coming to Wells Landing had been to get away from the painful memories that lingered all around in his home district. He’d thought he’d at least get a reprieve from talking about Beth, reliving those last days. Yet he had talked about Beth more since he had been in Oklahoma than he ever had back home.

  He found Sarah standing near the large tree near the garden. She was talking to Julie. Or rather Julie was talking, and Sarah was listening politely and occasionally looking far off toward the horses in the pasture.

  “Goedemiddag,” he said, coming to a stop beside the pair.

  They both turned and smiled, returning his greeting.

  “Can I talk to you for a bit, Sarah?”

  Julie beamed him a smile. “I think I’ll go find Danny.” She backed away a couple of steps as Sarah shook her head. Then Julie turned and almost ran to find her intended.

  “I’m sorry,” Sarah said after Julie was out of hearing.

  Andrew frowned. “For what?”

  “You know . . . them.”

  “Me too.”

  “So you and Caroline?”

  “What? No.”

  “But I saw you with Caroline Hostetler.”

  Andrew opened his mouth to tell her that he and Caroline were just friends, but the statement alone might possibly bring her hope. “I meant what I said the other night. About courtin’. Caroline and I are freinden. I didn’t want you to think I was not telling you the truth.”

  Sarah shook her head.

  “What?”

  “It seems like the two of you are a bit more than that.” Her words were softly spoken but held a punch.

  Andrew shook his head as Sarah continued. “It’s obvious in the way you look at her and she you. Even her baby adores you. It’s a gut match for certain.”

  “I . . .” Andrew didn’t know how to finish. Was that really how it looked to the people around them? “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say. He’d planned to emphatically tell Sarah that he most certainly was not a match for Caroline, but the longer the words knocked around in his head, the more impossible they became to say.

  Sarah gave him a weak smile. “It’s allrecht, Andrew Fitch. I understand. I know that I am not outgoing like Julie or beautiful like Caroline, but I have my place
in God’s plan.”

  “Of course you are beautiful,” he said, truly meaning his words. Sarah Yoder was beautiful, both inside and out. “Any man would be honored to have you at his side.” Just not me.

  “I’ve put in to be the new teacher in Bishop Treger’s district. I’ll be happy the rest of my days if I’m allowed to work with the kinner.”

  “They would be blessed to have you.” She was sweet and understanding, quiet and brave in her own way.

  She gave him a shy smile. “Danki, Andrew Fitch.”

  He jerked a thumb toward the volleyball game. “I guess I should be getting back now.”

  Andrew took a couple of steps backward, then he turned on his heel and made his way back to the others.

  Sarah Yoder was a fine young woman. A small part of him wished he could be what Danny wanted him to be for her, but he couldn’t. Still, Andrew was certain the Lord had plans for such a kind heart.

  Caroline tried not to follow the brim of Andrew’s hat as he made his way toward Sarah Yoder. She was not jealous that he was talking to the other woman. Jealousy would mean that she had feelings other than friendship for Andrew and that just wasn’t the case.

  Instead she broke off pieces of one of the sandwiches she had brought and fed them and orange sections to Emma while she pretended she hadn’t shifted her position to better see them as they talked. She was being ridiculous, so she shifted again as the teams were starting to form on the field in front of her.

  “Hey.” Andrew dropped down beside her on the quilt, and she did her best to temper her smile.

  “Hey. Did you enjoy your chat?” Now, why did she say that?

  If she came across as nosy or jealous, Andrew didn’t show it. “It seems that others might think that you and I have something going on.”

  Caroline laughed, then hated how forced it sounded. “Seriously?”

  “Jah, I know. But what with the other young people keeping their intentions for each other a secret, what can we do?” He grinned at her, and Caroline was sure he didn’t smile enough. He should smile like that all the time.

  “Looks like another game is starting,” he said.

  “You’d better hurry if you want a spot.”

  “Would you like to play?”

  “Me?” She hadn’t played in years. Almost three of them. She surely hadn’t played since she’d found out she carried a baby, and that summer with Trey . . . well, she’d been more interested in spending time with him than in sporting games.

  “Why not? You like volleyball, don’t you?”

  “Jah.” Who didn’t?

  “Then go get on a team before they find all their players.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’ve got Emma and—”

  “I’ll watch the wee one for you.”

  She hesitated.

  “You don’t trust me with her.” Andrew frowned, the simple motion of his mouth turning down at the corners transforming his face from sunshine to clouds.

  Caroline bit her lip as she shook her head. “It’s not that.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “I’m not used to having help like this. People to care for her so I can go out and—”

  “Have a little fun?”

  “Jah.”

  “You need to get used to it,” he said emphatically. “As long as you are my freind, I’ll be here to help.” He gave a shrill whistle through his teeth and wildly waved his arms over his head. “Jonah! I’ve got your last player right here.” He pointed down at Caroline, and she was certain her temperature raised one hundred degrees.

  Jonah Miller, host of the day’s festivities and on-again-off-again boyfriend of Lorie Kauffman, motioned her to come over.

  Everyone was watching. What else could she do?

  That was only an excuse. She wanted to play. Wanted it almost more than anything she had ever wanted in her life. She stood and brushed off her dress.

  “Are you sure about this?” she asked.

  “Go show them how it’s done.”

  Caroline jogged out onto the grassy field and took her position. Her heart was pounding, not from the exertion, but from excitement.

  How long had it been since she felt like this?

  Since before Emma. Since Trey and their stolen kisses and midnight meetings.

  She pushed the thoughts away as the first serve was made. She had been handed a wunderbaar opportunity, and she was going to make the most of it.

  Esther reached up a hand to knock on the door, her heart beating triple time. She had gone over and over in her head on the way out here what she would say to Abe once he opened the door, but as her mouth went dry and her pulse stuttered, everything she had worked on fled.

  She knocked again. There were no stirrings inside the house. No movement to answer her summons.

  She should have used the bakery phone to call the one Abe had in his barn. But what were the chances that someone would be there to answer it when it rang? Especially since she knew for a fact that Andrew was at Jonah Miller’s. She would have left a message and been in the same situation that she was in right now.

  She looked around, trying to decide what to do next. Her legs felt like rubber from the miles she had pedaled on her three-wheeler to get out to the farm, but she supposed that she had no choice but to return home without seeing Abe.

  “You’re a silly old woman, Esther Lapp,” she told herself as she sank into the porch swing. She’d rest for a little bit, then head back to the bakery.

  The day was turning out warm even by Oklahoma standards. They were in for a scorching summer if this kept up. But Abe’s porch faced south and the shade was welcome. The breeze blew around her and cooled her as she gently pushed the swing into motion.

  The farm was quiet, like church service during prayer, and there was a peacefulness about the place that she couldn’t find in the city.

  Esther had never regretted the choices she made after her John died, but she did miss country living. It was easier to hear the birds, the wind in the trees, and . . . the buzz of a saw?

  She pushed to her feet. At least it sounded like a saw.

  Esther stepped off the porch and started toward the side of the yard opposite the barn and the pastures that Abe leased to the horse breeders.

  Whatever it was, the noise was coming from the outbuildings squatting there.

  The racket grew louder as she neared the first building and even louder as she passed that door and continued on. At the third door in the row, she stopped. Jah, it was definitely a saw.

  She pushed the door open to find Abe hard at work cutting wood for something or another.

  “Abraham Fitch, whatever are you doing?”

  He jumped and the noise from the saw stopped.

  “Ach, Esther Lapp, you almost made me cut myself.” He studied the injured digit, then satisfied that it wasn’t gone, reached for the next piece on the pile of wood next to him.

  “You are working.”

  “Jah.” He marked the wood with a pencil and lined up the cut.

  “It’s the Sabbath.”

  He stopped and tilted his head to one side in that way she found so utterly charming. Except this time she was a little too shocked to register the attraction she felt for him. “I s’pose it is.”

  Esther plopped one hand on her hip. “The bishop would have the deacon out here in a heartbeat if he knew that.” She waved him toward her. “Come on. Let’s go in and have a snack, and I’ll forget everything I’ve seen here.”

  Abe squinted at her through the thick lenses of his wire-rimmed glasses. “What kind of snack?”

  “I’ve got day-old bagels and honey goat cheese from the bishop’s farm.”

  Abe gave a quick nod. “Just let me finish this cut.”

  Esther knew it was forward, but someone had to save Abe from himself and a possible shunning. She grasped his elbow and half directed, half dragged him from the workshop. “The cuts can wait until tomorrow.”

  Abe put as
ide the board and followed Esther out of the workshop.

  “Why are you here?”

  She wondered when he’d get around to asking that. “I thought you might could use some company what with Andrew and Caroline off at the Millers’.”

  He gave a quick nod, then said, “Or perhaps your apartment was a little too quiet without Caroline and Emma there.”

  “Jah,” she agreed, but that was only part of the reason. She couldn’t help but wonder at how quiet her house would be if her suspicions were correct. If Andrew and Caroline one day were to marry, and she moved out to start a family with him . . .

  Esther pushed the thought away. Caroline and Emma had come to mean so much to her in the past couple of years. She wanted nothing more than for Caroline to be froh.

  But if the good Lord was with her, Esther would somehow make Abe Fitch notice her long before that happened.

  Dear Caroline,

  I miss you so much. I hadn’t intended to start my letter to you in such a sad way, but it’s the truth. Since you’ve been gone I feel like my heart’s been cut out. I know that your leaving was part of God’s plan for you (I have to believe that lest the pain of it drive me out of my head), but that doesn’t make me miss you any less. Every day and every night I pray that it be God’s will for you to eventually return to Tennessee and the family who loves you.

  I am glad that you have made such gut freinden. After God and family, they are most important.

  I’m sad to say that your father still cannot bear to speak your name, though I caught him sitting in your room when he thought I was out hanging clothes on the line. I have left everything there just the way it was when you were here. I see no reason to change it. I too like to go in there and sit for a while. I pray there for your safety and good health, for Emma, and for God to bring you back to us.

  Grossdaadi fell again last week. He says he is fine, but I have my doubts. He’s even more stubborn and set in his ways than the other Swartzentruber and refuses to go to the doctor to find out about the dizzy spells. I worry that he will fall and hit his head, and no one will be there to help him. He still won’t even talk about moving in here with us. He told me he was born in that house, and he is going to die there as well. At least he’s only a hundred yards from our back door. He doesn’t know it, but I sneak over often and peek in the windows to make sure he’s faring all right.