Caroline's Secret Read online

  It’s getting close to suppertime and your father will be in from the fields soon. I must close for now. Please give Emma a kiss from me and tell her that I love her and I hope to one day get to hold her in my arms just as I did you when you were a boppli.

  With love always,

  Mamm

  Chapter Eleven

  Caroline dropped down on the quilt next to Andrew, all the while avoiding the sleeping Emma. She was breathless and laughing.

  “Did you have fun?” Andrew asked with a smile.

  “Jah.” Caroline fanned herself, accepting a glass of lemonade from his hand. “Danki.”

  “For the lemonade?”

  “For everything. Letting me play. Watching Emma. Putting the umbrella up for her to have shade.”

  Andrew shrugged, but she could tell that he was pleased with her words. “Gern gschehne. And danki to you as well.”

  Caroline took a big gulp of the lemonade. “For what?”

  “Giving me a second chance to watch Emma.”

  She was surprised. It was perhaps the last thing she expected him to say. She had long since gotten over her trust issues where Andrew was concerned. It just wasn’t easy to give over the care of Emma to someone else. Her reluctance wasn’t typically Amish. She remembered some of the larger families in her district would use every hand they could get for help with the children. But she supposed she could no longer be called typically Amish either.

  “It means that much to you?” she asked.

  “It does, jah.”

  Caroline couldn’t stop her smile, nor did she want to. “I’m glad, Andrew Fitch. So glad.” She waved a hand toward the field. “Want to take a turn and play again?”

  He plucked a blade of grass and tossed it away. “Nay,” he said. “I’d rather sit here with you for a while.”

  Caroline ducked her head to hide her uncontrollable smile. Sweeter words she was sure she had never heard. “Me too,” she whispered so no one could hear. “Me too.”

  Caroline rocked against Andrew as he pulled the buggy into the parking space in front of the bakery. Emma lay sleeping in the seat next to her. Her toddler had her legs stretched out, her dark curls in Caroline’s lap.

  Andrew hopped down from the buggy, and despite the summer heat, Caroline immediately missed his warmth beside her. He tethered the horses, then came around to the other side.

  “I’ll take her in,” he said. Caroline didn’t protest.

  She followed Andrew around to the back of the bakery and tried the door. Locked.

  “I guess Esther went somewhere,” she said, digging her key out of her bag. She opened the door for Andrew and followed him inside. She set her bag down as he carried Emma into the bedroom. He returned a few minutes later.

  “I braced the pillows around her, but she was sleeping like a baby.”

  Caroline laughed. “Would you like some pie?”

  “Lead the way.”

  Side by side, she started the coffee while Andrew cut the pie and served them each a slice.

  Together they sat down and prayed, then started their afternoon snack.

  “I wonder where Esther has gone.”

  Andrew shrugged and shoveled in another bite. Then he stopped chewing and swallowed hard. “You don’t think she went out to see Onkle, do you?”

  Caroline shook her head. “Nay. All she has is the three-wheeler. It would take a goodly while to get all the way out there on a bike.”

  “You’re right.” Andrew took another bite, but Caroline could tell that he wasn’t convinced.

  Pie forgotten, she pushed back from the table and started for the door of the apartment. She and Esther kept their bikes in the dry storage right next door.

  She grabbed the key on the way out, half expecting Andrew to follow her. But he didn’t. She unlocked the door to the storage room to find only one bike in the cool shadows.

  With a gasp she closed the door, relocked it, then ran back into the apartment. “Andrew,” she hissed under her breath as to not disturb Emma. “Her bike is gone.”

  He cut another piece of pie. “That’s gut, jah?”

  Caroline stopped. It was good. For sure and for certain. “Jah.”

  “Then why do you come in here like the world outside is ending?”

  She collapsed back into her chair. “I . . . I’m just surprised is all. It has got to be at least five miles to your farm.”

  “She must have really wanted to go see him.”

  “If that is where she went.” Esther could have easily taken her bike to go visit someone in town or even over to the grocery store. “Just because she’s gone does not mean that she went to see Abe Fitch.”

  Andrew smiled around his last bite of pie. “I have a feeling that she did.”

  Caroline picked up her fork and started to eat her pie again. What would happen if Abe and Esther did become a couple? If that were to come to pass, she and Andrew wouldn’t see each other quite as much. They would have no excuse to visit each other as they worked to get Esther and Abe together. The thought made her stomach drop.

  “Are you allrecht?” Andrew reached out and touched her arm, then jerked away as if he’d been bit.

  “Jah. Of course.” She nodded toward his empty plate. “Would you like another piece of pie?”

  “Nay.” He patted his trim stomach. “I’m sure I could not hold another bite.”

  “More kaffi?”

  “I’ll get it.” Andrew stood and retrieved the coffeepot from the stove top. He poured them both a fresh cup, then returned to his seat across from her.

  Being that close to him, having him carry Emma to bed, then partnering in the kitchen to slice the pie and pour coffee. The word “family” popped into her head, clear as day. This had to be what it was like to be married, to have a husband and helpmate. And suddenly she wanted that more than she had ever wanted anything in her life.

  She pushed that desire away. Surely the Lord had a plan for her. But right now, she was unable to see what it could be. Was she destined to remain here in Wells Landing? Go back home to Tennessee? Get married? Or perhaps remain a widow here in Oklahoma?

  “I guess I should be going.” Andrew stood and made his way to the door. He grabbed his hat off the peg and plopped it on his head. “I need to go check on the puppies and feed the horses.”

  She stood, fighting the urge to call him back, ask him to stay. Instead she followed him out the door and around to his waiting buggy.

  He slid the door open, then turned to face her. “I had a gut time today, Caroline.”

  “Me too.”

  “When it comes my turn to host will you help me get everything together?”

  “Jah. Of course.” A burst of wind rushed through, fluttering the strings of her prayer kapp and pulling at the strands of her hair.

  She reached up to tuck the strand behind her ear, but Andrew’s hand was already there.

  As natural as the sunrise, he captured her hand with his.

  Blue eyes locked on hazel ones as he raised her hand to his lips and kissed the skin on the back of her fingers.

  “Andrew, I—” Her words weren’t really a protest, just something to fill the space between them.

  Then he took care of that as well, tugging on her hand and pulling her completely into his arms.

  Caroline was certain she had never been in a sweeter place than inside his embrace. His body was warm and solid and felt good under her touch as she braced her hands against his shoulders to steady herself.

  He didn’t give her time to protest, just lowered his head and captured her lips with his own.

  Color and light exploded behind her lids as Andrew’s mouth pressed to hers. Caroline was sure she had found a little piece of heaven on earth. On and on, he continued to kiss her. On and on she kissed him back, marveling at the miracle of it all. The kiss itself was like a wildfire, burning hot and threatening to take over.

  It needed to stop, yet she wanted it never to end.

  A car
sped by, trailing a honking horn behind. Caroline jumped and pulled away from Andrew. This was wrong. He was her friend. They had promised that to each other. A terrible mistake. And the fact that they had been doing it on Main Street where just anybody could have witnessed the embrace . . .

  Caroline pressed her palms to her hot cheeks, then ran her hands down the front of her apron.

  The people in the car would be talking about it all night, the Amish couple kissing in the street. If luck was on her side, the car was full of tourists from out of town and not members of the Wells Landing Englisch community. Or even one of the Mennonites from Inola. Otherwise the bishop could possibly find out and—

  “Caroline, I’m so sorry.” Andrew sounded like he had a sore throat, his voice raspy and cracking. “I didn’t mean—”

  She shook her head. A million things ran through her mind. Don’t apologize. Where do we go from here? Did you like it as much as I did? “Be safe driving home,” she said. She refused to meet his gaze and turned on her heel and rushed back around the side of the bakery and into the apartment.

  She shut the door behind her, leaned against it, and pressed her hand to her mouth.

  All the harsh words her father had spoken to her came flooding back, ugly words he had used to describe her behavior. Not true, but hurtful all the same. Now the doubts came. If she could be with Trey, then come here and respond to Andrew’s kisses that way, with willing abandon, did that make her as bad as her father implied?

  Caroline stumbled to the couch, confused and tangled. Instead of sitting down, she fell to her knees, clasped her hands together, and braced her elbows on the cushion in front of her.

  “Dear Lord,” she prayed, closing her eyes tight. “I need help, Father God, help in understanding what just happened and what it means for me. Perhaps I am as unworthy as my vatter said.” The thought made her stop.

  One thing she had been taught since coming to live with the Beachys was that she was worthy of the Lord’s love and good grace. Esther had taught her that. Temptations were all around. She had to fight them and be victorious. But was there anything wrong with her and Andrew sharing a kiss? Nothing more, just a kiss?

  “Dear Lord, help me understand what had happened here. I want Andrew to be my friend, but now . . . now my feelings are starting to change. Please help me to figure it out and do what is right for all of us involved. Aemen.”

  Esther arrived home shortly before dark.

  Caroline had put Emma in the high chair with cheese and crackers to snack on while she cooked their meal.

  “Esther,” she admonished, wiping her hands on a dish towel and meeting the woman halfway between the kitchen and the front door. “I’ve been worried sick. I checked the phone messages thinking you might be hurt or worse.”

  “Forgive me, Caroline.”

  “Of course.”

  “It was just so quiet without you and Emma in the house that I decided to take a ride.”

  “I noticed your bike was gone.”

  A flush of pink stole into her plump cheeks. “I rode out to see Abe.”

  So they had been right. Caroline hid her smile. “Come sit and tell me all about it.”

  Esther planted a kiss on the top of Emma’s head, then settled into one of the kitchen chairs. “There’s really not much to tell. He was working on a chest of drawers, so I made him stop. We went in the haus and ate, then walked down to the pond they have on the property. Next week he says he’ll take me fishing.”

  Caroline slid into the seat opposite her good friend. “That’s fantastic news.” She took Esther’s hand into her own, squeezing it encouragingly.

  “How did your afternoon go?”

  Caroline glanced away, hoping Esther couldn’t see the confusion in her eyes. “Gut, gut.”

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  A small laugh escaped her. “You sound just like my mother. She always knew when—”

  “When what?”

  “Andrew kissed me,” she said quietly.

  “Gut himmel,” Esther exclaimed. “That is wunderbaar gut news.”

  “Good heavens” wasn’t an adequate description for the sizzle of Andrew’s kiss. “I don’t know.” Caroline sighed. “We’re supposed to be friends.”

  “I take it this wasn’t a friend-kiss.”

  Caroline shook her head and swallowed hard.

  Emma banged on the high chair, demanding more food. “Mamamama,” the toddler chanted.

  Caroline rose to get her boppli something more to eat.

  “You know my John was my friend. Always.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Of course it is.” Esther stood and opened the oven to check on the casserole. Green beans bubbled on a pot on the stove. Applesauce and peppers sat on the table, ready for them to start eating. Caroline had accomplished it all automatically. She hadn’t thought about what she was doing, what she was preparing. All she could think about was Andrew and the sweet heat of his lips on hers.

  “Tell me why you are so upset, liebschen.”

  Emma squealed and kicked her feet as Caroline gave her another cracker, then slid back into her seat.

  Esther snagged a pot holder and removed the casserole dish from the oven. She set it on top of the stove, turned all the burners off, then spun to face Caroline.

  Why am I so upset?

  Because she liked it. Because they had agreed to only be friends. Because he had made it more than clear that he wasn’t in the market for a new love. Because she hadn’t wanted it to stop.

  “Because he is my friend. I value that,” Caroline said. “I don’t want to stop being his friend, but now every time I see him I’m only going to be able to think of his k—this afternoon.”

  Esther pursed her lips. “That must have been a great kiss.”

  “It was.” Caroline dropped her head into her hands. “Now what am I going to do?”

  Esther shrugged, then took down three plates for the nachtess. “All I can say is talk to the boy. If your friendship means a lot to him as well, I’m sure the two of you can work something out.”

  Caroline pushed to her feet, fixed them glasses of iced tea, and gathered forks and the salt and pepper shakers before returning to the table. “Listen to me going on about Andrew. Tell me more about your afternoon with Abe.”

  Esther blushed. “We had a gut time,” she said simply. “Though not as eventful as yours.”

  Whether that was a gut thing or a bad thing, Caroline wasn’t sure.

  “But I think we may be connecting. With the Lord on my side, he may even notice me yet.”

  Dear Andrew,

  I was so froh to get your letter. And so very happy that you are settling into life among the Beachys. Who knows? You might even decide to make it your permanent home.

  Danny has always been something of a busybody. But he means well. If you are not ready, don’t worry about the plans of others. Until someone has walked in your shoes, they cannot know the heartache that you carry. It may not seem like it now, but the pain will fade. God takes care to heal those who are in need. Every day the pain lessens a bit more, maybe not enough to see from day to day but surely from week to week.

  I’ve heard that Beth’s elders are talking of moving away. They may go to Indiana or Pinecraft, but until they say as much before the church I won’t believe it. It would be gut for them to start over, leave those memories behind. Some folks calling it running. I call it a clean slate to begin again. I wish . . . Well, I guess it doesn’t matter what I wish. I decided to stay and that is that.

  I’m so very pleased to hear that you are making friends. Caroline sounds like a gut maedel and you are lucky to be able to count her as a friend.

  Before I forget, Mamm sends her love. Dat too.

  Be sure to write and keep us updated.

  Ich liebe dich,

  Lizzie

  Chapter Twelve

  Andrew pushed his hat back on his head and wiped the sweat from his brow. Toda
y had turned out hotter than yesterday, and talk at the hardware store said it was only going to get worse.

  The warmer weather was one thing he hadn’t gotten used to yet. Perhaps it would take a couple of years . . . if he even decided to stay.

  He settled his hat back in place and started the tractor for the return trip into town. He’d come out to the farm to pick up the special-order bench-and-table set his uncle had made for a couple in Tulsa. They were arriving this afternoon to pick it up, and his onkle only told him after lunch was over that it was needed at the showroom in town.

  Not that Andrew had eaten much during mealtime. Food tasted like the sawdust that peppered the workroom floor. And his eyes felt like grit. He hadn’t slept much last night. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Caroline’s sweet face, those hazel eyes looking like bottomless green pools as she stared up at him.

  Why had he kissed her? Even more, why had he kissed her like that? He could have given her a friendly peck on the cheek. It was not normal for Amish to kiss one another in passing, but it would have been a sight better than the kiss they shared.

  Nay, better wasn’t the word. That kiss couldn’t have gotten much better, but it would have been for sure more appropriate to kiss her cheek, shake her hand, or even just tip his hat, but no . . .

  Instead, he had pulled her close and kissed her in a way that he had never kissed another. Not even his beloved Beth.

  Andrew wiped his forehead again, checking the gauges on the tractor as he chugged along. Was it getting even hotter outside?

  Oklahoma weather was unpredictable as it came, but his discomfort now had more to do with thoughts of last night than the actual atmosphere around him.

  He pulled the tractor into the lot behind the shop to unload the furniture straight into the storeroom.

  Danny came out, the sound of the tractor alerting him to the fact his cousin had returned.

  Andrew swung himself to the ground and went around to the attached wagon to unhook the bungee cords and the padding he had wrapped around the two benches and matching table.